What I Learned about Great Leadership From my Wife and and a Toiletry Bag

Christmas morning had arrived and I eagerly reached for a present from my wife, Rene’. The present I chose was a medium size box that made a satisfying sound when I tilted it from side to side. Knowing my wife, I opened the present expecting the unexpected. Inside I first found a traveler’s – sized tube of toothpaste, a small bottle of mouthwash, a small can of shaving cream, and other toiletry items. I smiled at my wife as she laughed at my puzzlement. This was perhaps the oddest Christmas present I had ever received.

She explained through her giggles that she was going to put the items into a small bag that was in the closest for me to use on my trips around the state. I thanked her for the gift and moved on to other, seemingly “better” gifts. In the hubbub of the kids opening their gifts and our Christmas lunch, the unique gift was forgotten. A few days later as I prepared for a trip to Raleigh for a State Board Meeting, she handed me the bag with the toiletries inside. I marveled at how much time she had just saved me. I didn’t have to stand in the bathroom and think about what I needed. There was no checking off mental lists to make sure that I would not arrive in a hotel room without some forgotten necessity.

Six weeks and several overnight trips later, I have come to realize that her gift was one of the most useful, thoughtful gifts I have ever received. On my way out of the house, I quickly grab the bag knowing that I have all I need. When I return, I toss it back onto the closest shelf with no need to unpack it.

Driving down the road between speaking engagements I have had the time to think about the gift and how it serves as a wonderful example of great leadership. In choosing a gift for me, Rene’ spent time thinking about my needs. She seized upon one that I didn’t even realize that I had.

Just like a great leader, she sought to eliminate a need, freeing me to spend time previously wasted on trying to remember to pack my razor on other, more important things, like enjoying more moments with my family. Principals do the same thing. They try to identify the needs of the teachers and provide for those needs so that the teacher may spend more time engaged in incredible instructional activities with their students.

The way she put together the bag itself is also applicable to the work of a great leader. She started by finding what I already had to work with. In this case, a little used, small piece of luggage. Using what I had, she added to my capacity/ability to meet the need by providing all of the toiletries in small sizes so that I did not have to keep packing and unpacking the items I use at home. She created a toolkit for me.

A great leader does the same thing. They investigate those they serve, finding what can be built upon and then add to it. A principal might find that a teacher is skilled in a particular area and use those transferrable skills to build capacity in a new area. The principal or leader then adds to or creates a toolkit that the teacher or employee or group member can reach into to accomplish the needed task.

Perhaps I have just had too many hours in my truck to think about this, but it does seem that Rene’s gift resonates with me as I speak with principals and teachers. Educators seek to build capacity. We help students develop toolkits with which to tackle the tasks they are presented. Each time I reach into the bag, I am reminded of the powerful metaphor it represents and just how blessed I am to be married to a very wise, very caring woman.